I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
