similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
