I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
