I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
