I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
