yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize