Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize