I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
