therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
