If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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