You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
