I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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