I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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