Yo dont text me then not text me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i need some magic done to my vagina
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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