So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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