you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
