Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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