Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
