Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
