I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Houston, we have a blender
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
