I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
