I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
