I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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