Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
