i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
sex in a hospital.. check
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
