My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
