How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
