if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They took my balls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
