I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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