i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
