Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just blew my weed a kiss
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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