Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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