Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My life is pants optional.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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