My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
