Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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