I've blown a few things in my day
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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