I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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