Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
