She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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