i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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