the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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