Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
