i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
