we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
