My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
