at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
