let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
