i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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