Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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