Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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