Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
