I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
