omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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