I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
