Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
