Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
