I'm jealous of your bromance
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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