If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
