My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
