you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
