i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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