He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
