Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
