I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
