I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
