I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
