I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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