this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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