Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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