why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
