I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
