Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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