Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
