I haven't been this sober since birth.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
