Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
