doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
