Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
