Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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