The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
